The First Book of Internet Jokes
THE FIRST BOOK OF INTERNET JOKES
This book was especially republished to raise funds for these charities & many more...
33% of the publishers profit from the sale of this book will be donated to charities.
A GREAT READ FOR ALL AGES
THIS is a compilation of humour, jokes, anecdotes and sayings taken from the many emails the editor has received over the years. An ideal gift or Christmas stocking filler containing Advice from Children, Classic Conversations with Technical Support staff, Deep Thoughts for those who take life way too seriously and even a number of Tommy Coopers famous one-liners, jokes, anecdotes, sayings and actual happenings that are simply too funny to believe all packed into 178 pages.
33% of the net sale from this book will be donated to Charities.
YESTERDAY'S BOOKS RAISING FUNDS FOR TODAY'S CHARITIES
Excerpt from THE FIRST BOOK OF INTERNET JOKES
ADVICE FROM CHILDREN
American Childrens Advice
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Patrick, aged 10
2. When your Dad is mad and asks you Do I look
stupid? - dont answer.
Hannah, aged 9
3. Never tell your Mom her diets not working.
Michael, aged 14
4. Stay away from prunes.
Randy, aged 9
5. Dont pull Dads finger when he tells you to.
Emily, aged 10
6. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, dont let her brush your hair.
Taylia, aged 11
7. Never let your 3-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
Traci, aged 14
8. A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac.
Andrew, aged 9
9. Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
Kyoyo, aged 11
10. You cant hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Amir, aged 9
11. Dont wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
Kellie, aged 11
12. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Naomi, aged 15
13. Felt-tip markers are not too good to use as lipstick.
Lauren, aged 9
14. Dont pick on your sister when shes holding a baseball bat.
Joel, aged 10
16. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when shes on the phone.
Alyesha, aged 13
17. Never try to baptise a cat.
Eileen, aged 8
BAD DAY - GOOD DAY
Think you are having a bad day?
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A post mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. but keep reading....
Still think you're having a bad day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.
His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.
While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.
After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
Table of Contents for THE FIRST BOOK OF INTERNET JOKES
|Bad Day - Good Day|
|Health, Nutrition and Hospitals|
|Extracts from Letters to Local Councils|
|Men Rule OK!|
|Points of View|
|Retirement and Old Age|
|Tommy Cooper One-Liners|
|Why, Why, Why?|
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